Long story short her life's a big jumble, it's all back to front, yarda, yarda, yarda, simple right? Well... no.
This is what a person gets up to when they should have been studying for their finals, they decide "Hey, I'll just go draw out the tangled timeline of River Song from Doctor Who. I have time."
Let's start from the beginning...
The Big Bang - Conceived on the TARDIS while flying through the time vortex. Therefore, a baby to be... not with a "time-head", fret not Amy, but, one with Time Lord DNA.
A Good Man Goes to War - Newly born Melody Pond is kidnapped at birth by Madame Kovarian and the Silence on the asteroid, Demons Run to be used as a weapon in the Silence's plan to kill the Doctor.
The Impossible Astronaut //Day of the Moon - L'il Melody escapes the orphanage she's been held captive during her early childhood. She has her first run in with the Doctor and Amy. Lots of stuff goes down but by the end she gets away to safety but not unscathed and so regenerates.
Let's Kill Hitler - Newly regenerated Mels tracks down her parents. Not Amy and Rory but li'l Amelia and l'il Rory and grows up with them to present day, all the while being highly obsessed about the Doctor. Mels finally meets the Doctor formally; hijacks the TARDIS, plots to kill Hitler, accidentally gets shot by Hitler and regenerates. Revealed to be a psychopath, Mels poisons the Doctor, who she feels suspiciously knows a lot about her. Mels learns to fly the TARDIS, learns of River Song, learns of her future part in the Doctor's life and revives the Doctor but loses all her regenerative energy and finally embraces her identity as River Song. She receives the TARDIS diary as a gift from the Doctor and in the 52st century, River pursues studies in Archeology to find the Doctor again.
Closing Time - River graduates as Dr River Song of archeology and is kidnapped by Madame Kovarian once again.
The Wedding of River Song - River refuses to kill the Doctor at Lake Silencio causing the fixed point in time to collapse. Stuff goes down and River marries the Doctor and the fix point is reinstated
when River appears to kill the Doctor at Lake Silencio, faking his death. River is sentenced to prison for his murder.
First Night - The Doctor takes River on their first date, on the first night of her prison sentence. He has a dress picked out for her but she hates it and he explains to her the purpose of the diary and the rules. All the while she is suspicious of another woman present in the TARDIS.
The Pandorica Opens //The Big Bang - River obtains the vortex manipulator from Dorium and pretends to not recognise Rory when he meets her for the first time as the plastic Centurion.
First Night // Last Night - After being chased by Sontarans, River finds refuge in the TARDIS parked in the same place and time as on the night of their first date, oblivious that it is that night from the Doctor's perspective. Having served 5 years of her prison sentence she still professes her dislike for the dress hanging beside the TARDIS console and hounds the Doctor for hiding another woman "again", unbeknown it was her respective selves she heard the Doctor talking to. The Doctor eventually programs her vortex manipulator and sends her back to her prison cell.
A Good Man Goes to War - River returns to Demons Run using her vortex manipulator and reveals to the Doctor, Amy and Rory who she really is, to comfort her parents after the kidnapping of their baby.
The Impossible Astronaut //The Day of the Moon - River returns to Lake Silencio as a witness to the Doctor's death by her younger self all those years ago. She keeps the truth about the Doctor's death from Amy and Rory; and aids the younger Doctor in discovering and defeating the Silence. She is also seen wearing the Doctor's dress she had previously expressed dislike for, as she dives of the skyscraper in escape. The Doctor receives his first kiss from River, who upon realising frets that it may be her last.
Time of the Angels //Flesh and Stone - Amy meets River for the first time and the Doctor learns news of River's prison sentence for the first time. The Doctor let's slip that River will be a professor in her future. With her knowledge about the cracks in time River hints to the Doctor the next time he'll meet her will be when the Pandorica opens.
The Wedding of River Song - After climbing out of the Byzantium and of course sneaking out of her prison cell, River visits Amy telling her about her day and reveals to Amy that the Doctor is alive.
The Angels Take Manhattan - River is now a professor and seemingly has been pardoned for some time due to the Doctor deleting all records of his existence from all databases in the universe. River writes a novel under the
pseudonym Melody Malone.
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Last Night - River wearing the dress she use to dislike, accidentally enters the wrong TARDIS on her date with the Doctor and briefly mistakes the younger Doctor (ready for his first date with River) as "her" Doctor, who had parked his TARDIS around the corner. Unbeknown to River, this is her last night with "her" Doctor. He takes her to Derillium to see the Singing Towers and gives her his sonic screwdriver.
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Silence in the Library //Forest of the Dead - River meets the Tenth Doctor, who she soon realises has not seen her before, for this is his first time ever meeting her. She reveals brief clues that she is from his personal future, someone important to him, intimate, potentially his wife, about the diary of her past/ his future, his sonic screwdriver she possess and out of desperation whispers his real name in his ear. Taking the Doctor's place, River sacrifices her life to save the people in the Library, preserving the Doctor's future and her past, but in turn the Doctor was able to "save" her and all her memories onto the Library's computer database.
So we know the end, but the story is not finished yet. There are many off screen adventures River must have had with the Doctor such as Jim the Fish, Picnic at Asgard and the many night parties he had with her when Amy and Rory were asleep in the TARDIS all of which can't really be pin pointed where and when with much certainty. And of course there's still the rest of series 7 and beyond! Her character can really stick around forever given that time travel is so "wibbly wobbly".
That's it for now.
